Doherty is a family therapist. This book is characterized as "a home improvement manual for the modern family."

      The opposite of "an intentional family" is "an entropic family." The entropic family is one that tends to lose its purpose and focus over time and simply runs down. His idea is that an intentional family does things to keep its purpose and focus. For Doherty, this means doing things that bind the family members together. Family relationships happen in context. When there is not context, the relationships don't happen.

      He proposes a number of very simple and basic contextual situations that develop into rituals in which relationships flourish. He begins with family meals, then morning and going to bed rituals, couple rituals, special days, holidays, weddings and funerals.  These serve as idea starters for development of personalized family rituals.

      I've always started counseling conversations about communication issues with the question, "When do you remember doing your best communicating?" After a few moments thought there would be responses like, "When we met for coffee after class." Or, "When we walked by the river." Or, "When we drove to the beach." It would become clear that communication was a contextual event. After marriage the old contexts are often left behind. It is the creation of contexts for relationship the results in an intentional family, or intentional relationship.

      The point is, I guess, that it is important to be intentional if you are not naturally developing family traditions. The non-intentional family doesn't eat together, doesn't do much of anything together and consequently is increasingly scattered and ultimately dysfunctional.
This book could be part of pre-marriage training. Or, it could be a very important wedding gift to help a couple become intentional about establishing some practices which will result in lasting and memorable life experiences.

      The book caused me to think of some of the traditions we are intentional about. With children no longer at home it became important for us to develop some contexts for our own relationship. Among our daily "intentions" are at least one long walk (our "walkie talkie"), a happy hour before supper with wine, a before bedtime ½ ounce of brandy to sip as we wind down the day. Each of these times is focused without radio, TV, newspaper or other intrusion. These aren't the only intentions, but they are three that we count on. A fourth would be our cooking of supper together. The beat goes on.